Of course, Susan and I were tripping over ourselves and our emotions- About meeting a birth mother, and one of our children having that information and experience, and our concern that if those who had arranged this were wrong- About Ecaterina being open to meeting us and Tino. Rejection, for Tino, would have been a very negative thing to deal with.

I think we thought that even if Ecaterina had shown little real interest in Tino, as hurtful as that might have felt to Tino, we would have met her, seen her and filled in some missing pieces of his adoption puzzle.

We were concerned with our daughter Lilli’s reaction to meeting Ecaterina. She has been articulating straight from her heart the desire to meet her birth mother, and the anguish of not being able to do so. So, Susan and I also feared adding to her pain by her witnessing Tino meeting his birth mother.

Tino and I flew out early that Saturday morning for a long but relatively comfortable trip from Portland to D.C., to Vienna, to Bucharest. We were met by Radu’s friend, Mario, who drove a sports car, had long hair, and a wonderfully expressive and enthusiastic demeanor. One day behind us, Susan and Lilli arrived and Mario helped us pick them up. We stayed at a very comfortable apartment off the main plaza in Bucharest. The following day we headed off for Ecaterina’s (Tino’s birth mother) home. Mario explained that his wife was in journalism and hosted a TV show called "Forgiven" which featured stories of family members bridging years of past rifts and differences and meeting and forgiving each other.

The crew had found Tino’s birth mother (talking to local police and mayors) with the hope of doing a story on our trip and meeting. Ecaterina finally told them that she wanted to meet Tino and us but had no interest in being part of a program whose theme was "forgiven" because she felt strongly that there was nothing she needed to be forgiven for.

Mario drove us in the direction of the small regional town where Ecaterina had given birth to Tino, almost 13 years ago. The ob-gyn who had delivered Tino at the hospital had told us that his birth mother was 17 and unmarried and was tall and blond and she seemed to think that his birth father was tall as well. We had no idea how time might have aged Ecaterina, so we had varying images of what she would look like.

On the way during the two hour car ride Tino was quiet. When we would look back at him sometimes his eyes would roll back in his head and he would say he felt sick. Indeed, we were all a little sick- About this incredible meeting. Tino admitted the night before, when he had not slept, that he worried Ecaterina might not like him. We reassured him but the truth was we did not know what this meeting might bring.

When we reached Ecaterina’s house a woman approached our car. She was clearly the spitting image of Tino. There was no doubt in our minds that she was Ecaterina. Tino’s door was opened and Ecaterina leaned in, saw Tino, and wept. She never thought that she would see Tino again and she had never forgotten him. Ecaterina collected herself, invited us to come into her home while apologizing for not being able to make it cleaner.

Once out of the car we grownups, in shock and joy, wept again. Susan and Ecaterina embraced and slowly made their way inside. Her house was plain but well kept and attractive in its own way. Ecaterina’s husband, Viorel, beamed and welcomed us into their home. We were delighted when we were quickly joined by a great aunt, Uncle Adi (Ecaterina’s younger brother whom we could also see Tino in) and Elizabeth (Ecaterina’s mother and Tinos’s grandmother), who was, gasp, a few years younger than both Susan and I. The unexpected wonder of all wonders was Tino’s half sister, 6-year-old Andrea.

While Andrea had blond hair and green eyes to Tino’s dark brown eyes and dark hair it was clear that they were brother and sister. Ecaterina and her family loved the photo album we brought full of pictures of Tino over the years. She told us of the events of 13 years ago. When he was born in 1990 Romania was still reeling from its recent revolution and was in economic chaos.

The doctor at Tino’s hospital had told Ecaterina that they would let her know when Tino was going to be adopted so that she could see him one last time. They did not. All these years she grieved and feared that Tino had been trafficked and abused. When she married six years later and had her daughter she told us how she loved her daughter twice as much giving her the love that she had wanted to give Tino. Yet, she could only fear that he was in harm’s way.

We learned that Tino was born on May 17th, and not on May 18th as his birth certificate had led us to believe. May 17th is close to May 21st which is the important Saint Constantin’s day. Ecaterina named her baby boy Constantin. We kept that given name, hence the nickname "Tino." Ecaterina told us how on every May 17th and May 21st she would buy chocolates and give them to children in her village in memory of Tino.

Tino gave Ecaterina a little gold locket. We hoped that she would like it and suggested that she might put a picture of Tino on one side and his sister, Andrea, on the other side. During our visit Andrea, by all reports normally talkative, was quiet but comfortable. We sat with Ecaterina and her family for several hours in their living room.

With Tino in the middle between them, Susan and Ecaterina held hands behind Tino while Ecaterina had her other arm glued to Tino. Tino was obviously happy from the reaffirming things that Ecaterina had expressed and the clear love and unconditional affection she had for him. He was not able to express himself, but we could tell that this was a monumental, positive experience for him.

We were so grateful to Ecaterina’s husband who was clearly pleased with our being there and happy for his family. Ecaterina made it clear how grateful she was to us that we had brought Tino back for her to see and hold. We sadly left that first day with more embraces and tears, but also with the belief that we would see them again before we returned to America.

We took off to the North for a whirlwind, or more accurately, a blizzard of sightseeing. Through a pass in the Carpathian mountains, stopping at King Carol’s 19th century gorgeous castle, on to another older garrison castle once commanded by Vlad Terpes who became the source of the Dracula fictions. We waded through falling snow that created as beautiful a winter scenery and ancient feel as we could have hoped for. We stayed at simple lovely hotels, in beautiful old European cities and towns in Transylvania, including Sibiu, and Sibiel, a small village outside of Sibiu, where we stayed in a local house and took a horse drawn sleigh ride through the village and local valley. Tino and the rest of us drank in the beauty, history, and obvious culture.

We returned to Bucharest, and then to Ecaterina’s the following day. This time we also met Tino’s aunt (Ecaterina’s younger sister) and her husband. Ecaterina and her family showered Tino and the rest of us with affection. Ecaterina’s arm again was glued to Tino and she wore his locket with pride. Lilli gave Andrea some crayons, colored pencils, and coloring books that we had bought for her in Bucharest. Andrea was so pleased that she jumped to embrace and kiss Lilli. Lilli and Andrea quickly retired to another room and colored and chatted (nonsense to each other) for the rest of our stay.

While Tino was clearly the star and object of attention, Lilli was far from ignored. Her cheeks were frequently smothered with kisses too. The whole experience was good if bitter sweet for Lilli. When asked- About the trip and what she liked best, Lilli said meeting Ecaterina, although her eyes welled up with tears as she explained that she wanted to meet her birth mother, too.

Before we left, Ecaterina expressed again how grateful she was that we had come. She told us that we were all one family now and that they considered Lilli to be their daughter too. She wanted Tino to know that he should consider her husband, Viorel, his birth father too, since that was the way they felt- About Tino. Ecaterina invited Tino to come to spend a vacation with them. She made it clear that he and we were always welcome.

We told them that it was our hope and expectation that our work would provide us with opportunities to return to Romania and visit again - possibly before the year was over. As we left tears reappeared. Tino’s birth mother, uncle and aunt dabbed at their eyes. So, did Susan. Tino later confessed that even he was crying as he and Ecaterina embraced and said their goodbyes. He was able to hug and thank her and accept her arms, tears, and kisses.

From out of despair and the slimmest of possibilities we experienced this miracle. This trip back to Romania was so much more than we had hoped for or thought we could have hoped for. Back home Tino was more at peace than we have ever known him to be.

He has shared his trip and meeting with his classmates and teachers. He has proudly shown them pictures of his Romanian family and of Romania.

He has positive feelings- About Romania for the first time. He has the incredible gift of knowledge that his birth mother always loved him, always thought of him, and always grieved with the fear that he was suffering somewhere, God knows where. Tino’s Romanian family has embraced him and he feels and knows their love and care.

We wish our daughters, Alexis from India and Lilli from China, had some information and some opportunity for meeting their birth mothers as they so desperately wish they could.

We would give anything for them to have that. Yet, ironically, among our children and the thousands of other adopted children who will never have the chance, it was Tino, our little "guy" who had never expressed a wish for knowing his birth mother, who received this wonderful gift.

As I think- About how outrageously he had been neglected and harmed during the first ten months of life in that maternity hospital in Romania, it seems fair and only fitting that he should have this rare healing experience that so many other children also deserve and will never have.

Susan and I have always talked- About the advisability and beauty of adopted children knowing their birth parents. Now, we have personally experienced this gift for our son and in some way vicariously for our daughters.

At times I fantasize that this trip and experience were in some way done for our daughters and all of the other adopted children who will never have the opportunity to meet their birth mother and families and know that they were missed, thought of, and cherished every day of their life.

I feel as if somehow the trip and experience is a dedication to all the other children who never will meet their birth mothers and families - as if we represented all of the adopted children of the world. But, I know this is not the case.

It is a beautiful experience that Tino deserved and one that all children deserve. It is our hope that this part of Tino’s story may bring some sense and some comfort to other children and families as well.